PRINCIPLES OF BARGAINING

Its aim is to reach a wise outcome efficiently and amicably; and this requires a reasoned approach where you neither apply, not yield, to pressure. Instead, you yield, to the force of the argument and the evidence rather than the forcefulness of the person who is presenting the evidence. You reason, and you are open to the reasons offered by other; but you avoid, if possible, any ego-centric attachment to the argument. As a result, it is not a question of my reasons versus your reasons, or my position versus your position. Instead, we both of us simply explore the arguments and evidence – with an open mind and without taking sides.

In other words, the principled bargainer tries to avoid an adversarial approach and attempts to reach a result that is independent of the will-power of the parties concerned. He sees himself as a problem-solver rather than an adversary or a friend; and he attempts to be ‘hard’ on the problem yet ‘soft’ on the people in order to avoid personal antagonism.

So often, when we disagree about anything, we start to talk and think in terms of my arguments rather than the arguments. Similarly, we tend to polarize around my position – as supported by my arguments. In no time at all we are likely to find that the opponent has become equally entrenched into his position and we are both stuck. We freeze our options into just two: either my way or your way; my position or yours; I win or you win. As soon as we move into this polarization of options we become defensive and resistant to any of the arguments, insights or ideas of our opponent. We might secretly recognize that much of what they say is of value, but we will never admit this to them because this will seem to imply that we are giving way and in danger of losing.                                       – Alex Howard