After home renovations, we were left with various building materials – not enough to offer for sale, too cumbersome for the rubbish bin but sure to get in the way if left around the yard. Not being a great handyman, I had no use for these things but realized someone might, so I placed the material outside our house with a sign saying “Take Me, I am yours.” Two days later, the handyman’s treasure was still there but someone had taken the sign.
The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness of an accident.
The lawyer: “Did you actually see the accident?”
The witness: “Yes, Sir.”
The lawyer: “How far away were you when the accident happened?”
The witness: “Thirty-one feet, six-and-one-quarter inches.”
The lawyer (thinking he’d trap the witness: “Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?”
The witness: “Because when the accident happened, I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question.”
Two cab drivers met. “Hey,” asked one, “what’s the idea of painting one side of your cab red and other side blue?”
“Well,” the other responded, when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other.
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