NARA'S NOTEPAD
VOLUME 7
AUGUST 2011
NUMBAER 8
SUPPORTED
BY
READERS LIKE YOU
SUPPORTED
BY
READERS LIKE YOU
Sunday, July 31, 2011
MEMO FROM NARA
Dumb people cannot talk; but others can talk. Talking is one of the fortunate virtues most of us got for expressing our thoughts and feelings. Talking needs proper words and tones. Soft talking is soothing for all of us. Rude talk is not liked by all. The topic one chooses to talk should be interesting to others. We usually talk liberally to our relatives and friends i.e. to the known persons. Since we know their attitudes and their likening we try to talk accordingly. Talking to new friends and strangers is an up-hill task for many of us. Shyness makes us to limit our talk. Without knowing the taste of the other person it is very difficult to express our views. Little by little it is possible to know the likes and dislikes of others and then talking to them becomes much easier.
Some of us are vociferous talkers in some familiar subjects like politics, business, education and sports. In fact, one can easily judge the depth of knowledge one possesses in these subjects from their talk. Forceful talking is considered to be the best because it mesmerize others and make them believe what is said. Talking becomes interesting when some jokes are inserted into it. ‘Take it easy’ talks are preferred among friends. Serious talks are taken seriously. Arguments on a particular topic lead to counter arguments. Talking for and against a controversial topic becomes a debate. Logic, reasons and evidences add more strength to our talk. Empty talk is not appreciated. Talking to an audience is invariably a monologue whereas talking to one or two individuals is a dialogue.
People question a statement if it not understood or untrue. Therefore, one has to be careful while talking. In fact, talking creates a wave in others mind. Some of the catchy words or sentences can stimulate them to think. Sometimes talking relieves our stress and tension. Laughing, talking, singing, shouting, crying, smiling and commenting elevates our mood and confidence.
Everyone expresses his/her viewpoints while talking. Those viewpoints may be liked by us or may not be liked by us. However, we support their viewpoints if we like or contradict with some examples softly or vehemently. I feel talking is one of the activities everyone should practice to convince others to hear us with mindfulness and acceptance. Diplomacy is very much essential to achieve this talent. Most of us are good at it and let us keep it up.
TO QUOTE...
‘To like me, to trust me, to be committed to our relationship,
to facilitate my personal growth and self-understanding,
and to be my friend,
you must know me.’
- David Johnson
SUPPORT FROM SPONSORS
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A.Narayanan, Coimbatore.
JUST TO LAUGH
Two hydrogen atoms met.
One says, ‘I ‘ve lost my electron.’
The other says ‘Are you sure?’
The first replies, ‘Yes, I am positive.’
Question: How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
Answer: Write ‘Please turn over (PTO) on both sides of a paper.
Boss: Do you believe in life after death?
Employee: Yes Sir!
Boss: That’s good, because when you took leave for your grandmother’s funeral, she visited the office in search of you!!
STEPS TO HAPPY LIFE
1. Make peace with your past so it doesn’t spoil your present.
2. What others think of you is none of your business.
3. Time heals almost everything. So give time sometime.
4. No one is the cause of your happiness but yourself.
5. Do not compare your life with others. You have no idea what their journey is about.
6. Stop thinking too much. It is all right not to know all the answers.
7. Smile! You do not own all the problems in the world.
DEALING WITH CLUTTER
v Getting rid of clothes we’ll never fit into again means accepting our current shape and level (or lack) of fitness.
v Getting rid of an expensive item we never use means admitting that we made a poor decision when we bought it.
v Getting rid of books and magazines we don’t have time to read means accepting that we will never have enough time or attention to explore every topic that’s of interest to us.
v Getting rid of possessions remaining after a loved one has died means coming to terms with our loss and grief.
THE ART OF LYING
(1) manipulativeness. "Machiavellians" are pragmatic liars who aren’t fearful or anxious. They are "scheming but not stupid." "In conversations, they tend to dominate, but they also seem relaxed, talented and confident."
(2) acting. Good actors make good liars; receptive audiences encourage confidence.
(3) expressiveness. Animated people create favorable first impressions, making liars seductive and their expressions distracting.
(4) physical attractiveness. Fair or unfair, pretty people are judged as being more honest than unattractive people.
(5) natural performers. These people can adapt to abrupt changes in the discourse with a convincing spontaneity.
(6) experience. Prior lying helps people manage familiar emotions, such as guilt and fear, which can “leak” behaviorally and tip off observers.
(7) confidence. Like anything else, believing in yourself is half the battle; you’ve got to believe in your ability to deceive others.
(8) emotional camouflage. Liars "mask their stark inclination to show the emotional expressions they truly feel" by feigning the opposite effect.
(9) eloquence. Eloquent speakers confound listeners with word play and buy extra time to ponder a plausible answer by giving long-winded responses.
(10) well-preparedness. This minimizes fabrication on the spot, which is vulnerable to detection.
(11) unverifiable responding. Concealing information ("I honestly don’t remember") is preferable to a constructed lie because it cannot be disconfirmed.
(12) information frugality. Saying as little as possible in response to pointed questions makes it all the more difficult to confirm or disconfirm details.
(13) original thinking. Even meticulous liars can be thrown by the unexpected, so the ability to give original, convincing, non-scripted responses comes in handy.
(14) rapid thinking. Delays and verbal fillers ("ums" and "ahs") signal deception, so good liars are quick-witted, thinking fast on their feet.
(15) intelligence. Intelligence enables an efficient shouldering of the “cognitive load” imposed by lying, since there are many complex, simultaneously occurring demands associated with monitoring one’s own deceptiveness.
(16) good memory. Interrogators’ ears will prick at inconsistencies. A good memory allows a liar to remember details without tripping in their own fibs.
(17) truth adherence. Lies that "bend the truth" are generally more convincing, and require less cognitive effort, than those that involve fabricating an entire story.
(18) decoding. The ability to detect suspicion in the listener allows the liar to make the necessary adjustments, borrowing from strategies in the preceding skill set. – Jesse Bering
LINES I LIKED...
v Home is where heart is.
v Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
v There is no shortage of grievances, real or imaginary, in the world we live in.
v Even a scolding from a wise person is valued, while praise from a foolish person is of no relevance.
v Words and actions become valuable because of the one who speaks them or perform them.
v There are two kinds of people: those who are valued because of the things they possess, and those who add value to things.
v Success is a shallow way to define happiness.
CLOUD COMPUTING
Cloud computing means that people can have access to their digital files and software on the go, with little more needed to access them than simple input and output devices as well as an internet connection. Amazon has launched two new products. Cloud Drive and Cloud Player; which allow users to tap cloud computing and store all their music and video files on a network of remote storage facilities. While such bold new products ensure ease and affordability for current users, they also herald a future for any one rich or poor. The poor will be the greatest long term beneficiaries of cloud computing because it eliminates the cost barriers to accessing the digital age. People can opt to use the most basic hardware, amounting to little more than a key board and screen.
BE KIND TO UNKIND PEOPLE!
Meet you next month –SEPTEMBER, 2011
Prof. A. Narayanan, Ph. D., FISPP
Ph : 0422 2423017 Mobile : 98422 42301
www.nara.tumblr.com (NARA’S DIGEST)
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www.nara2007.blogspot.com (NARA’S NOTEPAD)
www.nsdigest.blogspot.com (NARA’S SCIENCE DIGEST)
Friday, July 1, 2011
MEMO FROM NARA
“There is only one caste, the caste of humanity. All of us belong to the human race, so everyone is equal” – said Sri Sathya Sai Baba who expired on a Sunday morning at 7.40 a m. It was 24 April 2011, the Christians of the world celebrated the Easter all over the world. Millions of devotees who benefited from the teachings of Sai Baba were drowned in the sea of sorrow and all of them expected that Baba will not die and hoped with faith that he will make a miracle of recovery. But alas, it did not happen. He was simply a human being performing all the activities for the benefit of fellow human beings. Certainly he believed on humanity and its strength. Attracting all kinds of people from all over the world by a single, simple and spiritual individual in this modern world is not an easy joke. But Sai Baba could do it!
The devotees of Sai Baba believed that Baba is a God and he was eternal, but Baba did not agree with them. Most of the devotees are selfish because they wanted something from Baba by doing service to him and his trust. But no one thought Baba’s wish was that his devotees should help the poor and the weak in the society. By doing such service, they attain happiness and peace of mind. In fact, all these principles of life are known to every sensible individual. But they wanted to hear from the mouth of a great hero who was able to attract millions with his mystic power which was the subject of suspicion for a long time. However, people did not pay much attention to such suspicions because Sai Baba had created a strong feeling in the minds of people who totally surrendered to his charisma. The very dharshan of Baba and getting the ash, ring and other objects he produced instantaneously inspired the intellectuals as well as the common illiterate people. What was the magnetic power with Baba that could attract the minds and souls of millions of people from all nations of the world?
People who had faith in Baba do explain and interpret the philosophy of Sai Baba as convenient to them. But I used to think whether all his devotees who are sincere followers of Baba agree with his statement which I mentioned in the beginning of this note? I believe not because there are very few Indians who follow this advice of Baba. Caste divides humanity and creates inequality. Baba said everyone in this earth is equal. Are we? Are we not? All those who talk high of Sai Baba are not in fact, following his simple principle of a casteless society. They all cried, mourned and travelled long distances to have a dharshan of the lifeless physical body of Baba encased inside a casket decorated with beautiful flowers. It was due to the love and affection they had with Baba. Who really follows the teachings of Baba? Everyone, rich or poor, men or women, able or disabled wanted some benefit from Baba; thus Baba was misused by these people. In fact, Sai Baba was a great human being with all good human characters. His services for education, health and spirituality are being seen by all of us. It is a great achievement of this great soul which has departed from the world, although many believe Baba has not died, and he is still in the minds of millions. Baba was one like you and me, but his way of life and teachings to the people of this world brought glory to him and humanity. Let us wish Baba’s soul rest at peace.
JUST TO LAUGH
Ramu: You know, husband and wife aren’t allowed to be together in heaven!
Balu: Yes, I do. That’s why it’s called heaven!
A man is talking to God.
The man: God, how long is a million years?
God: TO me it’s about a minute.
The man: God, how much is a million dollars?
God: To me it’s a penny.
The man: God, may I have a penny?
God: Wait a minute.
LOL – Laugh Out Loud.
BARRIERS TO LISTENING
1. Constantly comparing yourself to the speakers.
2. Trying to mind read what the talker really thinks.
3. Planning what argument or story to give next.
4. Filtering so that one hears only certain topics or doesn’t hear critical remarks.
5. Judging a statement to be “crazy,” “boring,” “stupid,” “immature,” “hostile,” etc. before it is completed.
6. Giving off on one’s own daydreams.
7. Remembering your own personal experiences instead of listening to the talker.
8. Busily drafting your prescription or advice long before the talker has finished telling his/her woes.
9. Considering every conversation an intellectual debate with the goal of putting down the opponent.
10. Believing you are always right so no need to listen.
11. Quickly changing the topic or laughing it off if the topic gets serious.
12. Placating the other person by automatically agreeing with everything.
Because of these barriers, we typically retain for a few minutes only 65 per cent of what is said to us (recall 2 months later is 25 per cent)
RULES FOR KIDS
v Don’t be selfish.
v Don’t make mistakes.
v Don’t be emotional.
v Don’t tell people if you don’t like them.
v Don’t be so unreasonable.
v Don’t question people.
v Don’t interrupt.
v Don’t trouble others with your problems.
v Don’t complain.
v Don’t upset others.
v Don’t brag.
v Don’t be anti-social.
v Do what people ask you to do.
v Help people who need help… and so on…on…on…
FAILURE FORWARD
- Failure is not the opposite of success. Failure is an important component of success. Suppose you set an objective, take action, and then fail to reach that objective on the first attempt.
- Even though you have experienced a failure, you're in much better shape than you were before you started.
- Because you've just learned, in a compelling and meaningful way, what doesn't work? And that puts you well on the way to finding what does work.
-- Ralph Marston
PRACTICAL STEPS FOR MORE EFFECTIVE LISTENING
1. Talk less. One of my students used to say that when she facilitated classes she always told her students that God gave you one mouth and two ears that should tell you something.
2. Get rid of distractions. If it is important for you to listen, do everything you can to eliminate internal and external noise and distractions that interfere with careful listening.
3. Don't judge prematurely. All of us are guilty of forming snap judgments and evaluating others before hearing them out especially when the speaker's ideas conflict with our own.
4. Look for key ideas. We think much faster than people speak. To help focus attention (rather than drift off in boredom) extract the central idea.
5. Ask sincere questions. Devil's advocate questions are really statements or criticisms in disguise. Sincere questions are requests for new information that clarifies a speaker's thoughts or feelings.
6. Paraphrase. Reword the speaker's thoughts in your own words to make sure your interpretation as a listener is accurate.
7. Suspend your own agenda. In other words, while you are listening, concentrate on what the speaker is saying not what you think.
8. Empathic listening. Empathic listening is knowing that given the same set of circumstances you might have done the same thing. It is the ability to experience the world from the other's point of view. It doesn't necessarily mean that you agree, but that you understand.
9. Open your heart with love. Often we listen to score points and make ourselves right and the other person wrong. When we open our hearts to each other, we do so with the belief that we are all the same. We have the same feelings, fears, and hurts.
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