A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.
“Ha! That’s not going to help,” she said.
“Sure it does,” he shot back.
“It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
A defendant isn’t happy with how things are going in court, so he gives the judge a hard time.
Judge: “Where do you work?””
Defendant: “Here and there.”
Judge: What do you do for living?”
Defendant: “This and that.”
Judge: “Take him away.”
Defendant: “Wait, when will I get out?”
Judge: “Sooner or later.”