Friday, December 30, 2016


A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.

“Ha! That’s not going to help,” she said.

“Sure it does,” he shot back.

“It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

A defendant isn’t happy with how things are going in court, so he gives the judge a hard time.

Judge: “Where do you work?””

Defendant: “Here and there.”

Judge: What do you do for living?”

Defendant: “This and that.”

Judge: “Take him away.”

Defendant: “Wait, when will I get out?”

Judge: “Sooner or later.”

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