Strength is a person’s capacity
to make things happen with abilities and force of will. When people project
strength, they command our respect. Warmth is the sense that a person shares
our feelings, interests, and view of the world. When people project warmth, we
like and support them...People who project both strength and warmth impress us
as knowing what they are doing and having our best interests at heart, so we
trust them and find them persuasive. They seem willing (warm) and able (strong)
to look out for our interests, so we look to them for leadership and feel
comfortable knowing they are in charge. Strength and warmth are the principal
criteria on which all our social judgments hinge.
Strength and warmth are in direct
tension with each other. most of the things we do to project the strength of
character – wearing a serious facial expression, flexing our biceps, or flexing
our vocabulary – tend to make us seem less warm. Likewise, most signals of
warmth – smiling often, speaking softly, and doing people favours – can leave
us seeming more submissive than strong.
The ability to master the
tension, to project both strength and warmth at once, is rare – so rare, in
fact, that we celebrate, elevate, and even have special name for this ability.
The ancient Greeks called it ‘the divisive gift,’ from which we get the word
“charisma.” Today it goes by different names in different circles. It is called
‘leadership potential’ and in the modern workplace, ‘cool in social settings.’ - John
Neffinger and Mathew Kohut
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